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My little one is still not gaining weight at anything like the rate he should be. We went for his immunizations the other day and the nurse said “Oh, he’s got practically no fat on his legs at all.” She sounded surprised and shocked. I don’t know what else to do. I know my mum would have him on a bottle permanently tomorrow but I am trying so hard to breastfeed. He just doesn’t seem to be able to concentrate for long enough before he falls off, or maybe I’m not producing enough. He seems to be feeding all the time. I’m taking fenugreek capsules and reeking of maple syrup in an attempt to keep up supplies. The health visitor keeps saying breastfed babies don’t follow the same growth curve as bottle fed babies. He should weigh more than this though

I think I want a baby sling but I have no idea which one to get. There are so many different types. Do I go for metal frame? Ring? Just cloth? I have no idea which is best. We saw some at the baby show that made you look like a Jedi warrior when you tied them up but I’m not sure I’m ready to wrestle with five metres of cloth to tie my baby in. How do you do that when you are alone in the house with the little one? It looked like fabric origami but the overall effect was cool! That’s a point actually – it will be hot in summer!!

My friend says he just uses a sarong tied across him with the baby on his hip and I’ve seen a few people carrying babies African style with a sarong tied across their back. I’m not sure that’s good for you though. It’s bad enough carrying them on your hip and throwing your back out of alignment without having to lean forward to balance the weight out. There don’t seem to be many cons to having a sling but I guess you just have to try a few and find out what works. I read this  but I still have no idea. They seem to be quite easy to make if you believe some of the crafty type blogs and sites out there, but only if you can get the rings for them. Personally I don’t seem to have time to brush my teeth let alone buy the material and the rings to make a sling. Maybe that will ease up as he grows but for now I’ve got to look to borrow one or buy one second hand and see!

Ellis is incredible but I can’t believe how tired I am. I’m struggling with the breastfeeding. He seems to want to be drinking all the time. I’ve got a book that works on the Easy system. Eat, Activity, Sleep, You. This appears to be rubbish because he just wants to eat all the time. He cries all the time and I have no idea if what I am doing is right.

It all started off badly when he didn’t want to latch on in hospital. I couldn’t feed him straight away because he wasn’t interested immediately he was born and then I was whisked up for some needlework so I was out of the picture for a couple of hours. I thought we would be home that night but because I lost a lot of blood they wouldn’t let me go. The first night was a nightmare – poor little thing was bawling his eyes out and I got seriously manhandled by a couple of midwives trying to get the latch right. I was so tired I could have cried, so the fact that she was squishing my boob into his mouth seemed perfectly acceptable and normal. I was stuck in a ward for three days with three other mums and babies and they were all awake in rotation so there was no sleep to be had. In the end one of the midwives suggested a bottle and it seemed cruel not to feed him. I fear that was my first mistake. He never really got back into it and now he’s just desperate to be fed with a bottle and I’m just desperate to feed him myself.

It is truly overwhelming sometimes and it’s difficult to put into words how confusing, frustrating and uncontrollable this all is. There is conflicting advice. Not much help available for when you don’t know what to do and a lack of support from everyone who just thinks the baby should  be on the bottle and done with it.

Breast is best!

Breast is best. I know this and I’m sure I’ll be able to follow through with the breastfeeding but I’m a bit nervous about the whole thing. No-one in my family has breastfed a baby since before the war. My aunt says her breastmilk looked like the water from rinsing milk bottles and she gave up because the little ones were not getting enough. My mum’s not hugely pro-breast feeding so I guess we’ll see. So as a back up I’m going to get a sterilizer and a couple of bottles. I know this is almost admitting defeat before I’ve started but I don’t want to be running around with a brand new baby trying to buy stuff. It’s enough of a nightmare buying nappies and things without the baby here, once he/she arrives it’s going to be way too difficult. I want to stay in bed for a babymoon, shopping online or at the supermarket is not on my agenda.

As an aside – I heard about babymooning from a friend and it sounds amazing. You basically stay in bed for a couple of weeks getting to know your little one. Your other half/mum/friends all have to do the housework, cooking and shopping for you. You just stay in bed, the two of you, learning to breastfeed, recovering from the birth and sleeping. Apparently they do this all the time in Arab culture and the Indian’s are big on it too, although the girl at my baby yoga says having the mother-in-law there all the time feeding you special food is a nightmare! Apparently you have to eat a lot of fenugreek.

Back to bottles though and the books all say get a bottle that looks like a breast to prevent nipple confusion so I’ve had a look and Tommee Tippee seems to be the closest. Seriously, I really did compare my nipples with those on the bottles. I walked around Boots with a picture of my boob on my phone comparing and contrasting. If anyone had looked over my shoulder they would have died laughing. Tommee Tippee do a sterilizer that everything fits into and now I’ve decided what I want I’ve set the husband the task of buying it or getting it free on freecycle.org and I guess we’ll see how it goes.